lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
