I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
