How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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