I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
