I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
