Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
