woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
