Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize