I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
