tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
