I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
