so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
