So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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