I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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