My cat gives me a boner
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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