i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
