Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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