we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
