I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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