You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
