I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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