Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
