I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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