I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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