I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize