ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this boner is exhausting
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Green mimosas i think yes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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