The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
