My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
