By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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