So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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