help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
