i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
