They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
