Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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