I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
