apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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