one two three fourrrrnication!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
