If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
