I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
