So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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