Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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