i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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