This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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