Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
