Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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