It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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