where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
