he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
