So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
