Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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