just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
