Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
