there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
