Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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