I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
