you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Randomize
