Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
