Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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