this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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