Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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