He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
