Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
