it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
