How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
