I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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