I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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