we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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