Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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