based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Green mimosas i think yes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
