Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
