Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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