I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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