I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
