He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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