O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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